Well it’s Mothers Day 2013, and I’m sitting here at McDonalds wondering what else I should do before heading home. Since it has been several months from my last entry, I guess this would be a good time to update.

Currently I am in the middle of month 10 on hormones. We do have breast growth to the extent that I’m on the verge of having to bear a bra, (I think). Weight….Well, I need a suction hose. I recently told someone that eating was my coping mechanism in life. Right now I struggle eating at 2 or 3 in the morning following a restroom trip, thanks to my BP meds.

At the suggestion of my therapist, I have checked out Celebration Church here in Fort Worth. Well drove by it the other Sunday. Did not have the will to go in for services. Perhaps in a week or so.

Right now I’m kind of starting to chew at the bit as far as getting the 4 facial feminization procedures and breast enhancement done. This to me is the obvious next step. The main hold up is the funds. Well the remaining amount anyway. I have come up with a way to raise the money through my business. Simply in 1 months time, sell 1000 cases of the XS energy drinks, and 1000 of the Light up Lip Gloss. Between the profit generated from the sales and the bonus generated on the volumne, I could actually pay to the procedures in cash and not on credit. So if your interested in checking out these products and maybe even pruchasing several the link to my retail website is: www.amway.com/tstoller , you can enter the products in the search box, and it will take you the right direction.

I did come accross a job possibility in San Jose, CA. Char Reed is looking to hire a personal assistant for her salon, to help build the business and maintain the place. Considering that she is focused on serving the LGBT community, it could be a good fit. The drawbacks right now are: it’s commission only, I have currently no reserves to finance the move, and after my last trip to California, I decided that before I moved I wanted to have my boobs done, and my name changed legally. So……

Well, will this keep you intrigued for a while?

Oh, BTW, I outed myself to my sister. I’ll save that for the next post.

Well it’s been a really long time since I last posted here, so as I pass some time waiting to go visit a friend, sounds like a good time to give an update.

Been in Therapy since December 2011.
Getting ready to start month 8 on hormones.
Still at Pizza Hut, hit my 30,000 accident free miles in 2012, bonus $10,000
Having some breast development from the hormones.

Kind of bored, and not into writing, so I’ll write more later

Well, it’s been on my mind here lately to write something on this blog. Considering it has been a really long time, I guess it would be appropiate. So here goes something…….

Back on June 18 I had two appointments in the Plano area. The morning appointment was with Dr Aimee Wright to get started on hormones. These appointments always include having blood drawn for bloodwork. While she did give me the prescriptions then it was requested that I hold off getting them filled until the results came back. I finally got the approval 4 weeks later. Though to be homest I got several stories from them as to why it took so long, to get the okay. I wonder if I would have had to wait so long if I had gone to Dr Ridley. So at this writing I have been on hormones for 8 days.

That afternoon appointement was a consultation with the plastic surgeon. American Institute for Plastic Surgery. Good visit. The initial recommended procedures are 4 facial feminization procedures and boobs. Having all these done together will cost around $15000 and require 7-10 days off work.

In July, I also made my second pilgrimage to San Francisco for 5 days. I also got to see Vickie and Colin again, alonf with meeting Glynis, and going down to San Jose to finally meet Char.

Work is hell, and internet is slow today here at McD’s, along with a very loud annoying old guy with a family having a birthday party here, So I’ll write more later….

Well, today I finished the TransFemme supplements.
After taking them for almost 4 months, I do see a bit of breast growth.
Though truthfully, I did not really take the protein shakes like required also.
So if I had been consistent with them I might have seen more growth.
I’ll probably try TransFemme again once I am on prescribed hormones.

Years ago, one of the people that guessed the transition desires out of me was a friend named Sandra. She also lived in the apartment below mine. with out pausing this post to look, she may be one of the people I mention under the defining moments tab/writing.

One of the things that Sandra mentioned that day, was that she thought that I would never go through with transition because in here thought process, I would never be able to spiritually reconcile it all in my mind. There have been many times over the  year her comments have come to mind. But in the past two years I had sort of gotten to the point where I could continue to full transition, and come to a happy medium.

Until Sheila came back. Or at least the possibility of a relationship with her, may be actually possible.
I’ve known Sheila for about 7-8 years, and while she knew of my ‘struggles’ in this matter, it was not until this March, that I shared with her that following out ‘goodbye’ in Jan of 2009, that I then focused on moving forward to transition. and know, I don’t know what to do. While I care about Sheila, and having a relationship with her, and thus appearing normal to everybody, I give up a major portion of my life. In essense, Terri Lynn goes away and becomes non-existant.

Transitioning, well, that might make me happy, what will it do to those that I love.
My happiness, or the happiness/approval of others, that’s the part hard to reconcile.

So in that aspect of reconcilliation, Sandra might be right!

So today I get a package in the mail.
Four Temporary ‘Queen of Spades’ Tattoos.
And of course I apply one following a shower.

So the try out begins…..do they attract those desired…
While I’m not currently ‘enfemme’, nor of a ‘femme gay’ considering my attire…

Time will tell!

Well, 2011 ended and 2012 has started…to the extent that it is now March 3, 2012 and this is my first post this year. Yes, I’m slacking but then again this ns not anything you do not know when it comes to me and writing in this blog. So before you think, ‘it’s about time, take a chill pill’.

In December I was able to begin the counseling journey. I really like Felisha, and look forward to the monthly sessions. It also gives me a reason to get my hair done and get dressed in some fashion. Something I should be doing more often.

But truthfully I have been in a rut here lately….well for several months. While work has been quite financially good for the past 5 months running between $1700 and $1800 an month take home cash, it just seems like things have been really tight. On the bright side I get to finally pay off the State of Illinois Sales Tax payment I have been making for the past 5 years.

And also work related, I have less than 300 accident free hours to go until my 30,000 AFH bonus which is $10,000 minus the governmants share….probably about $6500 take home. I have a million things/ways to spent it. SEveral friends think I should have my boobs done, and while I like that idea, I’m really leaning to paying off the line of credit I have with the bank. It is a $241.13 payment, and I trully hate large monthly payments. Them possibly taking the other $500 and take a weekend trip to Shreveport to the Casino’s to blow off steam.

So that’s all for right now, I think. I did order another top from MIdnight Velvet today. Got to build up the wardrobe.

Todays marks the end of four weeks on 1/2 dose of Transfemme.
Tomorrow (Sunday) I will start taking the full dose.
Then the fun may begin.

So to prepare, I got my chest waxed so that I can also begin using the breast cream from Transfemme that I got with my order.
Hopefully with taking the full dose, I’ll be able to start seeing some results.

Next weekend, I plan on having my hair re-colored and set, as I’m thinking of getting made up again and go out since Dec 4 is my birthday.
Of course going out means going to Addison, Tx to The Mucky Duck to see Crystal. always a good time and interesting conversation.

On December 10, I have my first counseling session in Dallas. Looking forward to this.

More to come…………………..

Lately, I have began to wonder in the stars are aligning and things are coming together in regards to my transition.
Let me explain with the following reasons:

1. Recently I was approved for a $9000 line of credit with the bank. While I do not like going in debt, this will give me the options of getting on TransFemme and starting to see a counselor again.

2. I got my nails done about 2 weeks ago. While this of itself is nothing earth shattering, I have not had the urge to remove them. Rather that I need to get them filled. I’m satisfied with having then and keeping them.

3. I’ve had some beard retardent cream that I have used sporadically for some time. Never using it consistently enough to see any results. But as of late I have been using it at this writing for 5 days in a row. Not to mention keeping some of my prime plucked area,cleared consistently. Now just to order more on Tuesday.

4. I’ve also been using the Creme Lux for as many days as the beard retardent. This is the same stuff Sandra Bullock uses and is made by Artistry Cosmetics and marketed by Amway. Over time is is said to help you appear 15 years younger, time will tell.

For the sake of my sanity, let’s hope so!

As I sit in a relatively noisey McDonalds using the free wifi, I realize the it is exactly 3 months until Christmas. Can it really be that close already? Where has this year gone? And I wonder if I have achieved anything significant this year.

Well, I did lose 40 pounds!
I visited San Francisco.

Not really that impressive of a list is it?
Well, it has been difficult considering the pay cut my employer Blessed me with in March.
That in itself guaranteed that I would not be able to start counseling or HRT.
So hopefully after March 2012, when a Lg Payment bill gets paid off I can move in that direction.

But right now, as far as transition is going on, there is really nothing too impressive to write……..

Maybe next Sunday….following getting my make up done and some new pictures on Saturday.