This past Sunday, (1/26/2014), I took some friends to visit a small Baptist church I used to attend and was a member. As expected it was great to see a lot of people I used to worship with. During conversation with Sandy before service started, she asked me “Have you seen T-Ann?”
And my heart paused.
T-Ann is one of my fond memories of my time at Springdale Baptist Church. I first remember seeing her at a wedding, in June 1996, at the church. She attended the event with her roommate Michelle. Then too she was a staple in the choir, and being born a few months apart, we were both in the singles group too.
Through the course of my membership at Springdale, we did have opportunity to have several conversations, one on one, though short as they were. But my favorite memory involving T-Ann was something that the Minister of Prayer and Education had asked us to do together.
It was the Christmas season, the four Sundays of Advent, and Springdale was doing an Advent candle. T-Ann and myself had been asked to do a reading and to light one of the candles that Sunday. How we got chosen I’m not for sure, but I can still see us standing together, I in my suit, her in a blouse and a skirt, doing that reading, then T-Ann lighting the smaller candle from the larger one.
When I was in San Diego in February 2001 for my cousins wedding, I had a conversation Sunday afternoon with my friend Alex. I remember him asking if there was anybody special in my life. I remember mentioning T-Ann’s name in the conversation. He encouraged me to move on the thoughts and feeling I had for her at the time. I never did.
And there were several reasons why; First, that wedding I remember seeing her at, it was my wedding to Kimberly, my ex-wife. With me being divorced, I felt that might be an obstacle. The second reason, is a comment I’m pretty sure I heard her tell me one time, was that ‘the thought of marriage scared her.” And for those two reasons I chose not to seek God’s will in the matter.
So what does this have to do with Terri Lynn transitioning?
T-Ann is one of the two people that I would probably give up transition, and the pursuit of being a female and a woman for. I’ve always felt that until the surgeries are scheduled and paid for, my transition was in flux. that it was not set in concrete. That if God did bring a sincere Christian female into my life, and revealed that she was from him, and I needed to retire the transition pursuit, and change my course, to being here husband, then I would do so. But truthfully, I’ve kind of given up hope to that pathway of happiness. Especially when you look at where my life’s pathway has come from. The reason I’m transitioning, besides the obvious diagnosis of gender dysphoria, is because (as much as it hurts to say it) I don’t believe that having a Godly Christian wife is/was in God’s plan for me.
So did I get to see T-Ann?
Yeah. As services were getting started, free from her obligations as a greeter, she came in and sat in the second row, on the far left section facing the stage, between Sandy Brewer and Steve Bass.
And my heart paused, and my soul sighed!