Posted by: Terri Lynn | March 30, 2014

I need Help, Suggestions, or Advice

While I know at the current stage if this blog, I only have 10 followers, I know random guests get here via links from other places. I’m thankful fir each one that takes time to read my postings.

But as this post titles infers, I need to help and suggestions from me readers.

I need suggestions on how I can come up with the money faster for my breast enhancement and facial feminization surgeries.

My first completion goal date is/was March 31. If I go for just cash to pay for it, my accumulated total is $653.35. If I add available credit card options to the mix, my total is $7873.01.

Total needed is $15,100

My gofundme has only received $35 in donations. Sharing it on here, Facebook or Twitter too much like begging.

Getting a loan for 15k over 3 year payback is a $368 payment, totally unaffordable.

I’m starting to get antsy and impatient.

Suggestions?

Posted by: Terri Lynn | March 20, 2014

What to do?

What do you do, when your in the middle of a slow moving transition, and there is someone you occasionally see, that you would live to take out for dinner or even start dating?

Do you take the risk, ask them out?
Or not?

Lets face it; being transgender adds a whole different dimension to the situation. It will eventually come up. It will have to be shared, if a friendship and more develops.

Not everybody knows a TG person. Or even knows what it means to be transgendered. And there is a segment if society that has a phobia about us.

Let alone, how many women would be willing to date a guy who desires to be a female?

She works at UPS in the customer service/pick up area, so unless I start sending weekly boxes to people, my reasons to drop by to see her are limited.

So who wants me to send them a box of packing pellets?

Posted by: Terri Lynn | March 3, 2014

The irony of it all……..

So for as long as I can remember the desire to be female was forefront in my mind. It was what I felt I should be. when I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was not crazy. Well not totally.

Fast forward to the current time. I have been on HRT for 19 months now, and have been moving forward in transition albeit ever so slow. The meds have taken effect and rendered the male anatomy parts pretty useless, along with some added female breast growth. So, outside of needing to lose more weight, I’m okay with what has been happening.

But…..

I find myself wishing I back to being a normal male with a fully functioning, energy drink can, thick 8″ manhood. Why? It seems that in the past several months, there have been several young female friends that I have desired to “be with”. I’m not sure whether this is coming from a desire to be close to a female or what.

Then too, a female friend that I used to go to church with has come to the forefront of my psyche several times in the past 45 days. Most recently was last night in a dream, where I awoke from with damp watery eyes, to remember I had been crying in the dream because of something I seem to remember that she said. (How the thought of being married scared her)

Yeah, what a time to have this stuff poke me.

Posted by: Terri Lynn | February 21, 2014

Referrals

This post is mainly for those that also have blogs. Have you ever checked out the stats section? Specifically the referral section. Where your getting your traffic from.

In the lifetime of this blog, I’ve gotten more referral views from another transgender blog. The Missy Kate. I know that she has a link to my blog listed on the side of her front page. The interesting part; she has not written in months.

Up next; a 90 day review of my 90 day Skinny Fiber Challenge.

Posted by: Terri Lynn | February 8, 2014

Skinny Fiber

For the past several years I have struggled with my weight, usually as it went up. There was a time in 2011 that I tried the HCG diet, with some success as I dropped about 40 lbs. But who wants to live on 1000-1200 calories a day and be constantly hungry? It was okay, but shopping for healthy stuff every other day was tiring. And several months after completing the second go around, the weight crept back on.

Fast forward to 2013. On of my high school classmates begins to sell a product called Skinny Fiber. and after watching her post success stories, I decide to give it a try. So I start it on November 16 with a weigh in at 282, (yeah, I know, gross). You take 2 supplements an hour before your two largest meals. It supposed to help suppress your appetite, take away cravings and do a few other things.

Fast forward until today Feb 8, 2014. I’m down to 267.5. A loss of 14.5 lbs. I have not had a soda or eaten fast food since before Nov. 15th. And I’ve a greater desire to cook at home versus eating out, and prefer eating more healthy foods, like fruits and vegetables.

And really, with out much exercise.

Oh yeah, it is recommended that you drink 80-100oz of water a day. That’s 4-5 twenty ounce bottles.

So, if anybody wants to give it a try, I highly recommend it.
Here’s the link: www.FabulouslyFIT.SBC90.com

Until next time…..TLS

 

 

Posted by: Terri Lynn | February 5, 2014

Importance of Friends

Over the past few days I’ve realized the importance of friends. Real friends. The type, that not only you call, but they also call you for no reason, but to talk and check up on you. The kind that we all need.

Sadly, I’m not sure we have enough of those. While we have seemingly have many acquaintances, really true friends are low in numbers. Sure we have ‘friends’ that respond to out text messages and other messages, but how often out of the blues do you get a message from someone. I saw a graphic on Facebook the other day that said, “sending a Good Morning, Beautiful” message to a female, just may set the tone of her day.

Sadly too, we get so busy with life, and with making a living, that we forget the important people in our lives. And because I’m writing this blog post, does not mean I’m perfect in that area either.

Recently I was a bit depressed for a short time about some things, and realized what I’ve been writing about. While some friends will tell you to call them, you never hear from them ‘out of the blue’ so you fell that calling them is intruding on their ‘space’.

Oddly too, I’ve noticed as I’ve continued to transition that some friends that I’ve considered close in the past, had drifted farther away. Now they reside on the acquaintances list.

To end this post on a positive note, I’ll share something, that put someone close to if not the number one spot on my friends list. Her name is Taylor, and she lives in the Dallas area working as a waitress/bartender at a place in the Uptown area. We’ve know each other for about two years, and talk about everything, with few secrets. Several months back I received a text from her. At 4 in the morning! So for the next 30 minutes, we texted back and forth like school girls sharing like it was like to have sex for the first time. To this day, I count those text messages, and that time with her a something special. As it made me feel special that she felt comfortable doing that, and sharing with me.

Then too there is Vicki from Colorado, who I had met in California in previous years. After seeing something that I had posted on Facebook, she called to give me a few words of encouragement. That too, was a special time was a blessing also.

We all need friends like that!
Do you have someone like that?

Be a blessing to someone today, call them just to say ‘Hi’. And tell them you were thinking about them.

Posted by: Terri Lynn | January 31, 2014

Have you seen T-Ann?

This past Sunday, (1/26/2014), I took some friends to visit a small Baptist church I used to attend and was a member. As expected it was great to see a lot of people I used to worship with. During conversation with Sandy before service started, she asked me “Have you seen T-Ann?”

And my heart paused.

T-Ann is one of my fond memories of my time at Springdale Baptist Church. I first remember seeing her at a wedding, in June 1996, at the church. She attended the event with her roommate Michelle. Then too she was a staple in the choir, and being born a few months apart, we were both in the singles group too.

Through the course of my membership at Springdale, we did have opportunity to have several conversations, one on one, though short as they were. But my favorite memory involving T-Ann was something that the Minister of Prayer and Education had asked us to do together.

It was the Christmas season, the four Sundays of Advent, and Springdale was doing an Advent candle. T-Ann and myself had been asked to do a reading and to light one of the candles that Sunday. How we got chosen I’m not for sure, but I can still see us standing together, I in my suit, her in a blouse and a skirt, doing that reading, then T-Ann lighting the smaller candle from the larger one.

When I was in San Diego in February 2001 for my cousins wedding, I had a conversation Sunday afternoon with my friend Alex. I remember him asking if there was anybody special in my life. I remember mentioning T-Ann’s name in the conversation. He encouraged me to move on the thoughts and feeling I had for her at the time. I never did.

And there were several reasons why; First, that wedding I remember seeing her at, it was my wedding to Kimberly, my ex-wife. With me being divorced, I felt that might be an obstacle. The second reason, is a comment I’m pretty sure I heard her tell me one time, was that ‘the thought of marriage scared her.” And for those two reasons I chose not to seek God’s will in the matter.

So what does this have to do with Terri Lynn transitioning?

T-Ann is one of the two people that I would probably give up transition, and the pursuit of being a female and a woman for. I’ve always felt that until the surgeries are scheduled and paid for, my transition was in flux. that it was not set in concrete. That if God did bring a sincere Christian female into my life, and revealed that she was from him, and I needed to retire the transition pursuit, and change my course, to being here husband, then I would do so. But truthfully, I’ve kind of given up hope to that pathway of happiness. Especially when you look at where my life’s pathway has come from. The reason I’m transitioning, besides the obvious diagnosis of gender dysphoria, is because (as much as it hurts to say it) I don’t believe that having a Godly Christian wife is/was in God’s plan for me.

So did I get to see T-Ann?

Yeah. As services were getting started, free from her obligations as a greeter, she came in and sat in the second row, on the far left section facing the stage, between Sandy Brewer and Steve Bass.

And my heart paused, and my soul sighed!

Posted by: Terri Lynn | January 29, 2014

Feeling Drained

Since I have been posting for several days in a row now, I was going to make it a goal to post something relevant everyday. Not sure about today though. Feeling emotionally drained, not to mention financially drained.

Tuesday I paid for some car repairs with money in savings, (no avail credit card) which caused my surgery funding balances to drop from $854 to $367 right now. And because of a slower month, I will probably be using the rest of my savings and my dime fund to help cover rent, as I will have no carry over funds to take into February. This quite simply means, that buy 9pm Feb 3rd, my facial feminization and breast enhancement funding will drop to less than $100. Part of the depression of funds was caused by a $186 lab bill from my doctor office visit in December. (I have no insurance)

Upcoming posts:
Have you seen T-Ann?
Skinny Fiber

Posted by: Terri Lynn | January 28, 2014

In the Dark of the Night

It’s 3 am in the morning, and I’m awake following a trip to the restroom, thanks to my blood pressure / water pill that I’m on. Unable to fall back asleep, and quite bored at this hour of the morning, I turn my computer on and attempt to do something to pass time until I am tired enough to fall back asleep.

So I sit and think about my life, where I am, and where I’m going. I’ve got 25 months of therapy under my belt, and I’m about to start month 19 as far as hormone therapy goes. Everything that I can share, and have shared to people, tell me that I’m transgendered. A pre-op transsexual, as far as titles go.

But yet, sitting there at my desk, I just don’t feel it. I don’t feel like the woman I desire to be. Maybe it’s because of the 80 extra pounds I carry, that I desire to lose. Maybe it’s because of a severely limited wardrobe and a tight financial situation that limits my ability to purchase more clothing. Maybe it’s because of the male style clothing still left in my closet. Maybe it’s the total financial situation that makes me wonder if I’ll even get the money put together for FFS and Breast Enhancement, before I turn 70, with out financing it. (so tired of being in debt).

What I desire, feel I need to be, seems miles away from what I see every morning in the mirror.

But yet, I can still go back to that dream, (Defining Moments), and remember what it was like, to awaken from it, and the feeling experienced in it, of having mind and body on the same wave length. I so desire it!

Terri is so desirous of life and the ability to be herself, living life to the fullest, and the person in the mirror, is sooo tired, of the daily struggle, and wonders if it is really worth it?

The Dream, The Struggle, The Victory!

Why must The Struggle seem to take so long?

Posted by: Terri Lynn | January 27, 2014

So I told my sister……and a cousin

Back on May 12, 2013, I concluded that post that I had outed myself to my sister. And so I have, along with a cousin in south Texas. And that I would share it here in a future time. since I know y’all have been waiting with bated breath for the update, I guess the time is now.

First my cousin Nancie. I emailed her copies of five essays I had written;
Three Counselors
Defining Moments
Connected by a Thread
I Quit Praying
And from here we go…

Nancie’s response was really quite simple, “That’s quite a burden to bear!” Since that time we have not talked about it at all. Actually we don’t talk too much except on Facebook. And during tax season when she files my return.

With Kathy, before I shared the same essays with her, I had sent her several emails. One asking something regarding a belief in psychological diagnosis, per the same level as medical diagnosis. That elicited a interesting response. Then an email asking if she had ever heard the terms gender dysphoria, and transgender. To which she had a vague limited knowledge of the words. Then the essays. Considering that she is a Christian also, I was not sure what to expect, or whether I had just committed suicide regarding my family.

After about a 2-3 week time to read and mull them over we talked one Thursday evening. For three hours. It was tough, but she did not condemn me to hell. She had, and continues to have a lot of questions. In one of the subsequent emails she asked if I had a timeline for all this to happen, and a order of events. It was there I shared that I was already in counseling and on hormones. Though to this day, I don’t think she understands the total need for the amount of counseling from start to finish.

We are still not done talking, as I know she still has more questions. Though we have had snippets of conversations since then. Recently I asked if she had and ideas as to how to share this with the rest of the family. In the mean time I hope to order some books that share other TG stories of others coming to terms with this, their transition, and dealing with their families. She has made known she would like to read some of them also. Kind of thinking this might be a potential way to open the door with family.

She did make it abundantly clear that she wanted me to know that she stilled loved me.
And that is somewhat the shorter version

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